It May Have Cost Us All Our Friends, But We've Ranked the Mario Party Games

One part Monopoly, one part Squid Games, Mario Party is the undisputed king of party games. When it was released in 1998 slumber party violence reached an all-time high and it has continued to turn friends against each other ever since. With eleven mainline entries spanning five console generations, Mario Party is clearly here to stay.

But if we’ve learned anything from Mario Party, it's that there can only be one superstar. I’ve got my court-ordered protective glove strapped on and I’m ready to count the bonus stars. Lets-a -go!

Imagine the most boring road trip you’ve ever been on. Now, imagine Wario is there making you play rock-paper-scissors or some shit. That's Mario Party 9, baby.

Oh hey, it's the Wii-U Mario Party! Remember the Wii-U? You do? Nintendo's memory wipe department will be seeing you momentarily. Anyway, this game is basically just Mario Party 9 again, but with a surprisingly fun four vs one mode.

This is where it all started. Unfortunately, this is a game made for truly masochistic sickos. No items. No duels. No Gimmicks. OG Mario Party is just Bowser ripping your asshole open and having bloody palms from that tug-o-war game. Fun for the whole family!

The custom dice blocks mean we finally got character tier lists in Mario Party! Oh, you’re playing Yoshi because you LIKE him? You’re here to have FUN? Enjoy getting lapped by my S-Tier Donkey Kong scrub.

The characters get cute little outfits to go with every map in this one. Cowboy Luigi looks so adorable when he's shooting his own brother down in the street like a dog. And who could stay mad at little astronaut Yoshi after he atomizes Peach with a space laser? It might still be a little rough around the edges, but Mario Party 2 makes up for it with a lot of heart.

There are a lot of cool ideas that aren't quite implemented in intuitive ways in Mario Party 4. Get ready for your piss-ant little brother to ask if he can buy stars while he's big every single game. No one remembers, Robby! Just use the item and see what happens.

This game has great maps and back-to-basic mechanics that are simple and fun. Some people complain that most of the mini-games are just jerking off with a Wiimote. Those people aren't wrong, I just don't understand why that's a problem. As a lonely high schooler when Mario Party 8 came out, I was basically unbeatable.

The guy at EB Games made fun of me for buying the GameCube microphone. Well, who's laughing now, buddy? Probably still him — the mic minigames are awful and there are way too many of them. But hey, I’ll always have Odama.

This is the punk rock Mario Party because it encourages you to litter. Instead of using items, you throw capsules that sit there like land mines until someone lands on them. By the end of the game, the map is basically a landfill. This game did irreparable damage to the Mushroom Kingdom's ecosystem, but I think it was worth it.

It only took three entries for Mario Party to add Waluigi as a playable character. They even gave him his own island to make up for leaving him out of the first two. Take notes, Sakurai, this is how you run a big-boy franchise. And it's still the second best in the series to this day.

The weird sun and moon guys who host Mario Party 6 have haunted my dreams since 2004. They control the movement of the heavens. They are the dichotomy of day and night, light and dark, good and evil. All hail the day-night gimmick and all hail Mario Party 6!

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